1st of December 2009
I wish I could play an Instrument
If you give a sheep an instrument, she will want to learn how to play. So you take the time to teach her all you know, and then you walk away. Come back a few weeks later and you’ll hear it- sadness in music, the fleeting look, the long wave goodbye. The bleeding heart, the whispered words in darkness, the grey dawn, the lonely cave, the silent day, the patter of rain on an empty house. Walk closer, the sound intensifies. Open the door. See the little sheep, curled up as if asleep, no longer playing an instrument but sounding out the sadness in her own way.
Maybe I shouldn’t play any instruments after all.
“
i am unhappy and i am doing nothing to change it and argh, i’m forcing myself to go through the paces of my life. ”
—
To say I know exactly how you feel is a bit of an understatement, shutlow. I feel exactly how you feel. For me, it’s like wading through thick grey molasses- nothing makes sense emotionally, I feel weird being sad, but being happy would just be wrong somehow. It’s like being swallowed up by a beast.
My only advice, if you want to escape the funk, is force yourself to love. Talk to friends, do your favorite activity, just remind yourself that you love and are loved. It’s one of the few emotions stronger than the funk.
29th of November 2009
There's this girl in Harkness
She wears overalls all the time, and looks beautiful in them. I wish I knew how she did it. Right now she’s got these pale green ones on, and they flow like few things I’ve ever seen. Jealous? You bet I am.
28th of November 2009
Hmm, the peculiarity of relationships
Romance amuses me. I don’t know why I thought of this little tale, but I hope you enjoy:
So, there’s this guy who used to like me. And I never liked him, because he was shy and never let himself go around me (although I didn’t realize that at the time). Once he didn’t like me anymore, though, he became, I dunno, almost magical in my eyes. He was funny and kind and said all the right things- well, almost all the right things. But the long and short of it was he became the sort of guy I always wanted. And I guess that’s when I decided I sort of liked him. But by then he had a new girl in his life.
God, how I wanted to slap him.
cookies and college applications. scary shit.
castles-and-sunshine-and-waffles:
BUT I CAN DO IT. :DD
Of course you can- you wouldn’t be you if you couldn’t. :D
GOOD LUCK HIGH SCHOOL SENIORS!!!!
So...
I’m posting again, I think. Does this make our relationship weird, my fits of isolation and silence? I hope it doesn’t bother you- I mean, we’re okay, aren’t we?
More on my life, hopefully, when I get back to school…
21st of October 2009
after history/political theory.
- lotus:
- see how i waited for you?
- js:
- it's the sweater, isn't it. the v-neck.
- lotus:
- oh hush. i love you for more than your sweater.
- The heart let's Tumblr tell you I liked this post- but that's a lie, Shutlow. Loved is a far more appropriate word.
9th of October 2009
shutlow:
so i started this over the summer, hated it, shoved it in my classroom drawer, and then pulled it out yesterday afternoon to work on while i was at the front desk.
i still feel a little iffy about it, but at least it looks a lot better. my favorite part is the half-stubble on the shaved part of her head and then maybe the texture of her skin.
watercolor, ink (brown le pen, which apparently turns purple) and prismacolor.
This reminds me of a fair number of girls at Oberlin-similar hair, similar faces. It’s awesome
8th of October 2009
kait-the-great:
wordcount - how common are words in english?
look up a word and see its rank in order of usage, or a rank and see the word. cool.
Okay, I used some friends’ birthdates to see what words came up. I had to take a zero out here and there, though, so forgive me:
Mine- agrippa (not actually a word but a million famous people’s name)
Jacobito- percussion
Margo-horizons
Claire- juntas
La hermanita- Zoroastrian
Mi mama-yarton (a parish/village near Oxford)
Mi padre-scrapping
Mis hermanos- feudalism and antacids
Well, thanks amrgo, that was fun! I should go to bed now though…
27th of September 2009
What a nice segue into Co-ops. they may be one of my favorite aspects of Oberlin life. I mean, the thing that terrified me the most about going to college, aside from trying to meet new people, was being shut out of a good working kitchen for 4 years. Now, the kitchen I do cook in these days is not what you’d call restaurant worthy, but the food’s delicious and the people kind, and if you want to make brownies at 3 in the morning you go right ahead- just make sure you make enough for 100.
So, anyway, my co-op. Apparently, we are a ‘party’ co-op, although I’m sticking that adjective in quotes because, being honest, we’re really not. In fact, I’ve seen way more people showing up here looking for parties than I have any sort of festivities. I dunno, maybe this year we’re just not the hot place to be. But I can imagine how my dorm would throw some amazing parties. First of all, despite the building looking like an army stronghold, the innards more resemble an orphanage in which the children have risen up against their oppressive adults. There are huge murals on the walls and randomly colorful paintings on the walls. If that’s not enough, people will take chalk (or sharpie, or pen) to the walls whenever they want. It’s all done in good fun, and if our canvases, er… walls, get to full, the college is usually kind enough to come in and paint over them for us while we’re on break, giving us many more opportunities for artistic merriment.
Oh, and we have two giant, fake cacti that used to be speakers for some play. And one out-of-tune piano, and four organs (but only two of them perform any function besides decorative.)
Well, hello there!
Hi there Giraffe, it’s nice to meet you. Good to know someone else is attempting to make sense of the beautiful little conundrum that is our college. I see that you do ODS- I’m a Cooper myself. Perhaps we’ve past by each other before- the what ifs of all this are entertaining.
26th of September 2009
“
My mom is such an extrovert- she could make friends with Stalin. ”
—
Me, talking to Margo. It’s true- I am a complete shut-in compared to my mom. In fact, I think that is the one way in which we never see eye-to-eye. She loves to meet new people-for her, it’s an adventure, as opposed to the terror it is for me. Plus, it’s made worse because my mom is the perfect conversationalist- always the right amount at the right time. How did she have a daughter like me, then, who either never talks or never shuts up? … Christmas Miracle (for me, that is)
Something a Bit Happier
I feel like I’ve been lying to you, my readers, on my blog. I promised stories of college, and have failed to deliver. So now, I will ignore my homework and give a pretty little picture of my new home.
It’s Ohio, which is another way of saying its very flat. But unlike other extremely level places, it’s got tons of tree copses, which help to compensate. That and it’s also very green. Most of the trees are deciduous, with a sprinkling of ornamental firs- now that fall is coming, yellow is the color to be for all these old giants (actually, I think in tree years, now of these plants are particularly ancient, but compared to me they certainly are). Of course, fall hasn’t really started just yet, so there’s nothing of consequence on the leaf-pile front. I’m really looking forward to it, though- my childhood falls centered around the creation and destruction of massive piles of dead vegetation.
On a slightly different note, in reference to Lotus’s post about Portland rain, it has been downpoaring here all morning. I walked outside and dipped my feet in, and was remind of home. Unfortunately, the smell wasn’t the same. Here, the grass is far to potent, and the wafting scent of pine needles nowhere to be found. Still, I could watch the blurry mixture of green against grey, that shade that only comes with a filmy sheen of water, and could remember all the days spent curled up with family and friends, enjoying the soothing and isolating effects of the rain.
Of course, that is exactly what I am doing right now, curling myself into a comfy and much-loved armchair in the relative quiet of Hark lounge, enjoying the shivering touch of my godmother the rain. I feel whole in a way no other weather pattern can make me feel.
playwriting.
- nico:
- [playing a snippy middle-aged woman] i need more attitude?
- lotus:
- yeah. like... it's like, thrust your hips. except with your voice.
- Lotus, I love that you're doing this. I hope you find nothing but success- the world needs more people who direct like you do!
kait-the-great:
bookshelves:
(submitted by kait-the-great.tumblr.com)
yep, that’s my bookshelf.
Ah, Calculus- I sort of love that book now, but only in the way one loves something that reminds them of good times. what do you think DDay does these days without all of us?
